April 16, 2014

Finding Romance among the Diapers

Finding Romance among the Diapers 

Everyone knows that having a baby presents many relational challenges for young couples. One of the frustrating aspects of raising a child is the way it can interfere with intimacy and romance.  Not to worry I have good news. You can be good parents and still be intimate friends and passionate lovers.  And today we’re going to show you how. Oh, and by the way, all our discussion this morning applies equally for those of you don’t have children. 

 Passion Killers

  1. Not enough time. The added demands of a child and the fixed 24 hrs. in a day mean something has to give and sex is often the first casualty
  2. Exhaustion – adding inevitable sleep interruptions results in fatigue and if you’re not well rested you’re not going to feel in the mood.
  3. Frustration – not being able to do it all makes us cranky and cranky isn’t romantic.

Commons Mistakes

  1. Not valuing the importance of romance. People misunderstand that romance is not a luxury. It is essential to happy, healthy and long lasting relationships 
  2. Giving up. The disappointments and frustration that build up mean that couples simply stop trying to be romantic.
  3. Allowing resentment and anger to build up. Built up resentment leads to either exploding or withdrawing which not only hurt the relationship can also ruin passionate moods.

 Tips for young parents to keeping romance alive and well 

  1. Don’t Give up. Value the importance of romance and make a serious commitment keeping romance in your relationship. Remember romance is not a luxury in a relationship; it is an essential part of a healthy and happy marriage. Adjust your expectations. Raising young children will change how often and how much time you have for romance but it doesn’t mean it’s gone. 
  2. Be intentional and Plan ahead. The days of spontaneous sparking will be few and far between when you have little ones, so get out your planners and look ahead and set specific dates and times. Planning also means having reliable child care options. Your planning won’t be of any use if there’s no one to watch junior. Finding reliable child care is an absolute necessity for sustaining romance in a marriage.
  3. Flirt with your spouse. Be creative and let your spouse know that even though you might be overwhelmed or short on time, that you still desire him or her. Don’t forget to say I love you, send a sexy photo or text. Let him/her know you are thinking of her/him.  
  4. Don’t let resentments build up.   Communicate and deal with frustrations and disappointments as they arise. Don’t put it off. Remember nothing poisons passion more than resentment.
  5. Divide up household responsibilities fairly. Keeping work load equal is a powerful way to prevent resentment build-up.

The Rev. Michael Heath prepared these remarks for Bridge Street  4 16 2014    

 

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