December 07, 2009

Marital Make-Overs for the Holidays: Tips for Fallling in Love All over Again

Marital Make-Overs for the Holidays: Tips for Falling in Love All Over Again  

Today we are talking about how to do a Marital Make-Over. Just  the way a  new hair style or outfit can change your  appearance, our simple tips can have a dramatic effect on  your relationship  and  help you to fall in love all  over again.

The winter holidays are upon us again and with them comes additional  stress sress which can strain marital relations.  Sometimes  it feels as though there just isn’t enough time to get everything done. The demands of work and family can result in essential marital maintenance being  neglected.  Ironically, many
couples who ignore the needs of their marriages complain that the zing has gone out of their relationship.  Fortunately there is help. Taking care of those
overlooked aspects of a relationship can not only give a tired marriage a new feel, but it can also rekindle the flame of love.

ESSENTIAL MARITAL MAINTENANCE:AWARENESS, EMPATHY, EFFORT

1) Awareness of the bad habits and ruts that you have fallen into and how much you may have taken one another for granted.  Under stress we tend to forget that love needs ongoing  are to survive and thrive.

2) Empathy not only for what your partner is feeling but also for how your behavior effects your partner.

3) Effort. Unfortunately, many folks have become so discouraged that they don’t believe that anything can be done to renew a relationship that has gone stale. Nothing could be further from the truth. Making the effort makes all the difference.   

Research shows that: – Poor Personal appearance,
                                         – Being Taken for Granted    
                                         – Excessive negativity and
                                         – Boring routinesare the top gripes.
(What about sex ? If you take care of awareness,  empathy and effort,  sex will take care of itself)

Tips Instead of :

  • Not making an effort in our personal appearance. (Would you have gone on a date or even be seen with  you wife/husband the way you often look      around the house? Why do you think they don’t care how you  look now ?)
  • Not acknowledging what they have done or expressing our gratitude for it. (Do you just assume that dinner appears on the table or the lawn is mowed)
  • Complaining too much.  (It’s easy to forget how unpleasant it is to be around someone who is always complaining or angry and it’s a real turn-off as well.
  • Boring routines. (From what you eat, what and when you watch TV or how you have sex, doing the same thing over and over becomes boring.)

Try :  Paying attention to how you look and making an effort. Maybe it’s time to throw out those old shorts)

  • Telling your partner when s/he does something considerate or goes out of his/her way. (When’s the last time you praised your spouse for something   they did or said how much you appreciated what they have done.)
  • Being aware of how often you complain and try thinking of a positive comment.  (Think of an annoying character on TV who is always criticizing. Do you want your mate to think of you this way ?) 
  • Taking a risk. Try something new and different.  ( How about going to a play, sending flowers for no reason, or just taking the day off without the       kids around? How about asking for directions)     

Remember: You don’t have to be perfect but you do have to try. Knowing that you are making an effort goes a long way in rekindling the flame of love.  

These remarks were prepared by the Rev. Michael Heath LMHC, Fellow AAPC, for Bridge Street 12 /3/2009.
 

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