July 20, 2011

Planning your wedding ? Don't forget your relationship: the Essentials

It's summer and that means it's prime season for weddings. Couples spend a lot of time energy and money planning every aspect of the service and reception. They want their special day to be perfect.  My hope is, that in addition to planning for a ceremony, couples will prepare for having a lasting relationship. In addition to planning for a special day, couples need to prepare for a lifetime together. Unfortunately, many newlyweds haven't spent as  much time on or give as much effort to working on what will happen after they say "I do" and  the celebration is over as they have  spent planning their   wedding day .

This imbalance may be due to the lack of confidence folks feel about making their marriage better. Many believe that a good marriage is something which "just happens" or  it doesn't. If couples would put as much effort anticipating and planning what their marriage will need to work as they do preparing for their reception, they will be amazed with the results. In fact, studies show that couples who make the effort to learn about marriage beforehand fare much better down the road. 

Today we are going to talk about  Marriage Essentials and explain the things  what couples  need to work on to have a happy and long lasting partnership.

Rev. Heath’s Pre-Marital Essentials

1. Realistic Expectations: What Marriage Is Really Like 

  • Bursting Romantic  Myths
  • A good marriage doesn't just happen; it takes work.
  • Getting the facts

2. Getting to Know One Another

  •      Personality Styles
  •      Psychological history,  i.e.  emotional wounds, stress reaction patterns and  coping strategies and patterns   (The importance of full disclosure.)
  •       Areas of Compatibility, Differences and Conflicts 

3. Fundamental Skills

  • Communicating   Speaking directly
  • Decoding emotional message                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

4. Accepting Differences dealing with needs for Control     

5. Compromising and Conflict Resolution

6. Anticipating  and Negotiating Predictable Areas of  Conflict   (Normalize and discuss how to deal with)  

7. Determioning Roles and the division of labor in Marital “Contract” (Who's gonna do what.)

8, Establishing Rules for Fighting           

            --Common Problems:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Religious Beliefs and Values 
                               Life Goals and Children
                               Money
                               Sex
                               Jealousy
                               Anger
                               In-laws               
                              Time together, time with friends, time alone

Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC prepared these remarks for Bridge Street 7 20 2011

 

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