February 12, 2014

Wedding Insurance and Pre-Marital Counseling :Bursting the Obligation Myth.

Wedding Insurance and Pre-Marital Counseling: Bursting the Obligation Myth

A growing trend in the insurance field is that more and more couples are taking out wedding insurance policies to cover all kinds of unexpected problems which might occur on their big day ... including if one of them gets cold feet and backs out.  "Change of heart" policies will pay for non-refundable expenses which may have been incurred in anticipation of the cancelled event. 
--Given all of the emotion and neurochemical clouding that occurs when we "fall" in love, I  think that having insurance is a good thing because it can remove any financial concerns which may inhibit a couple from having a free and honest discussion regarding whether they really want to get married.
--Having the freedom to choose is important when it comes to making such important decisions. Too many people look at getting married as jumping off a cliff and that, once you've said you're going to, there is no turning back.
-Non sense.  It is obviously better to change one's mind before getting married than to feel emotionally forced into a marriage  - only choosing to divorce years later having complicated things with the addition of children and financial entanglements.     
--Likewise, I think pre-marital counseling is an important prerequisite to getting married.  Given such high divorce rates, it is clear that many couples are woefully unprepared when it comes to having realistic expectations for marriage and actually possessing the skill sets to make a committed and long term relationship work.

Pre-marital counseling can help by:
1) Reality testing each person’s expectations of what they are getting in to.
2) Examine the possible underlying motives behind getting married.
3) Providing a space and time for the couple to reflect  and ask important questions like "Do you really want to get married?
4) Review the fundamental skills that the couple will need to succeed and be happy in their marriage:
     A) Communication
     B) Understanding and blending different personality styles.
     C) Understanding and keeping events and trauma from the past from interfering with the couples present.            
     D) Negotiating, Conflict resolution and how to deal with normal but difficult problems involving money, sex or in-laws.

Pre - Marriage Counseling isn't magic but, if couples will put in a little effort, PMC can help them to avoid or at least reduce the grief of unnecessary conflict and  misunderstandings. Having the knowledge and skills can allow couples to build a rewarding life together as intimate partners.

Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC prepared these remarks for Bridge Street 2 14 2014

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